For three years, my friends and I have been attempting to summit Mount Whitney, the highest mountain in US excluding Alaska. These attempts were mostly in trying to secure the trail’s super competitive permits, which we finally got in September 2025—our second win after canceling some permits we got in 2023 to go to Lollapalooza instead (which was a fantastic decision at the time).

As the summit date got closer, my initial excitement turned to fear as I was worried about how my body would deal with the hike’s high altitude. A year earlier, the same group had attempted Colorado’s Four Pass Loop and bailed halfway through, crippled by altitude sickness after flying straight from sea level to 10,000 feet. I suffered the worst: a pounding headache as I crossed two 12,000-foot passes. Those 13 miles hurt more than running a marathon.

About a month before our ascent, I caught a horrible fever and could not stop thinking - what if I felt this way on the face of Mount Whitney, helpless and stranded with no easy way out?

The Ascent

We planned our trip carefully to avoid the altitude sickness we felt in Colorado. The rule in altitude acclimatization is to “climb high, sleep low” - meaning to spend an active day at higher elevation to adjust our bodies to thinner air, but sleep at a lower elevation to rest better. On Friday, we were to do a day hike at 10,000 ft and sleep at 8,000 ft by the trailhead to Mount Whitney. Saturday’s plan was to hike up to a campsite at 12,000 ft, then summit the 14,505 ft peak on Sunday before returning back to civilization.

The plan worked wonderfully. We slept well on Friday night and the 6.8mi hike up to our 12,000ft campsite felt relatively easy. We took our time up the hike and we were all smiles at the campsite, cold plunging in an ice-cold alpine lake and enjoying our delicious freeze-dried meals for dinner before the sun set. Thank God for strong legs and acclimatization. I felt so much better at 12,000 ft than I ever did during that torturous weekend in Colorado—what could possibly go wrong?

Summit Morning

The alarm woke me up at 2 AM during a cold, windy night that shook our tents. I wasn’t completely asleep before the alarm - I had been in and out of sleep for 4 hours due to the thin air. My heart rate was never able to calm down to my usual resting rate that entire night, not even with my go-to breathing exercise that always worked to calm me down at home. My tent buddy Amogh had to exit the tent at some point in the night because he felt like he was suffocating.

Do I have a headache? I didn’t want to believe that I had a slight pain throughout my skull. It must be the altitude, or was it just sleep deprivation? The uncomfortable aftermath of my limited sleep made it mentally difficult to have to confront the cold, dark, windy surroundings of the world outside the tent. After being paralyzed for 20 minutes and the rest of the group successfully leaving their comfortable tents, I braved my way outside. Exactly cold and windy like I expected, though not as scary - likely because I saw my friends there eagerly preparing for the summit. As the oldest member of the group, I felt bad for not being the first one out the tent to help everyone else start their day.

I took some Advil, drank a lot of water and ate some light bites despite not being hungry and my headache faded away. I felt ready to start hiking.

The full moon illuminated the valley and it looked like a completely different planet with the spires of white rock columns surrounding us in the shadow of the moonlight. We took our time up the “99 switchbacks”, an infamously difficult ascent up 1,300 ft in just 2 miles. The wind was beating down on us, but we felt physically capable and motivated to make it up. No signs of altitude sickness or exhaustion. At times we were overtaken by faster hikers climbing up, but at least we were doing better than the unfortunate couple that had to descend due to altitude sickness.

We were rewarded for completing the 99 switchbacks by the most wonderful sight of the sunrise creeping up the horizon, illuminating the Trail Crest with the Alpine Glow while the moon was setting amidst a pink sky behind a remote valley of rocky peaks. I felt a strong push to keep going - the momentum was strong for these final 2 miles to the summit. My absolute favorite moment of the entire ascent was when the sky was blue-golden-pink and I sang along to “Golden” from Kpop Demon Hunters with Steph. My brain was flooded with serotonin and I felt unstoppable.

No sign of any kind of altitude sickness. This was going to be a huge win for us.

After a few more steps of sketchy cliffside hiking, we made it to the summit by 8:30 AM. I saw the official summit placard and felt a tad bit emotional - after all these years, we actually did it. We rested inside the summit house for a few minutes, signed the summit register, and took too many photos with the summit sign (even attempting a daring shirtless photo in the menacing windy cold haha). Somehow I got signal and was able to FaceTime my mom. We spent an hour and a half at the summit before starting the seemingly easier second half of our journey - the descent.

The Descent

I still remember upon reaching the summit thinking, “I’m so excited for the hike back down” I imagined it as coasting downhill towards the comfort of civilization and warm food. Well, it was time for my dreams to come true, or so I thought.

Just as I left the summit, I realize I was walking a lot slower than the rest of my group, and it wasn’t because I kept stopping to take photos like I usually do. I kept feeling like I had to sit down and take a good long nap. Eventually, Steph had to wait for me to reach her and the other two were too far ahead to catch up to. I tried to eat some food but kept feeling like I wasn’t hungry at all, nor was I ever hungry much that morning. Then I realized that this lack of hunger was making it harder for me to ingest food to fuel the rest of my hike, and that I had used up the majority of my energy hiking up.

The rest of the descent was slow - I had to keep stopping for breaks. Lunchtime came around but I could only eat a quarter of the turkey and cucumber wraps we had prepared. The thought of energy gels disgusted me. The physical demand of controlling my knees on a downhill grade was somehow much harder than the climb. It was not what I expected.

The worst part was calculating in my head how much hiking we had left that day. After the 4 mile hike back to our campsite, we still had to hike another 6-7 miles back to our car. It was taking forever to get back to camp and my stomach felt funny the whole way, as well as my headache creeping back. We counted how many switchbacks we had left to go. 1, then walk for five minutes, 2, then walk for another five minutes. It felt like an eternity to get to number 10 so number 99 felt unrealistically far. I started to realize that I absolutely hate hiking now. I desperately wanted to get off this mountain.

It took 5 hours to get to our tent and I immediately stumbled into the tent attempting to nap. I still felt the sun on my face despite the shade of the tent. It was not too hot nor too cold but my body temperature was confused. Unfortunately, I was still at 12,000 ft and just like the previous night, I couldn’t fall asleep. My headache and stomach ache weren’t intense but still lingering.

I overheard my friends talking about how they plan to continue the hike given my situation, potentially splitting up the group so that Kelly could meet her boyfriend who was waiting at the trailhead, not knowing when we’ll return. Despite being in pain and hungry, they were all still feeling good.

With the group’s fate depending on my health and realizing that I would never be able to rest well at this altitude, I sprung back to life and forced myself to start packing up. I took my sweet time as fast as my body could afford and my friends offered to lighten my backpack load by carrying some of my stuff with them. God bless these friends as I would have suffered so much more without them. We left the camp at 4:30 to begin our long 6.8-mile hike back to the car.

As the slowest member of the group, I led the pack down the mountain. Being sapped of energy meant I stayed silent for most of the hike and didn’t take any photos. The views that wowed us the previous day simply became a backdrop to our suffering once its novelty wore off. I could tell I was super tired since if I stared into the mountains for too long, I could see them visually warping. As we descended below 10,000 ft, I noticed my walking getting faster. It really was the elevation draining my energy. My headache was fading away again, and my stomach started to feel a little hungry.

The sky got darker and colder as the sun set at 7:30 PM. We had about a mile left to go but it felt like it took hours to complete. I have gotten so used to road running where I can cover a distance of one mile in 10 minutes or less, so spending longer than that was utterly demotivating. In the dark, there were no views to occupy our attention - the last half hour felt like mental drudgery. The sight of the road where cars were leaving the trailhead looked way too far away to believe we were a mile away. We were the closest to finishing the hike but felt like the farthest from reality.

By 8:30 PM we had reached the parking lot. I sat down on the rock next to the food lockers and looked up at the starry night sky, feeling so out of touch with reality and too tired to comprehend what we just achieved.

Fortunately, Kelly’s boyfriend Owen, who waited at the trailhead since 4 PM, was still at the parking lot and had prepared a home-cooked hot pot meal right out of his trunk with a hand-drawn “Congrats on summiting Mt. Whitney!” sign. We sat on lawn chairs surrounding the pan of hot pot fresh from the stove set behind his trunk and it felt like fine dining. I will never forget the feeling of that first slurp of hot soup with beef entering my energy-depleted body. Luckily I was hungry enough to enjoy those first few bites, but I still had some lack of appetite left from the mountains.

Still, I craved rest more than anything. I had to leave the gourmet buffet early to sleep in our car because I was falling asleep. I don’t know how they did it, but Amogh and Kelly were able to stay up and drive 2 hours out to our recovery Airbnb. One nice warm shower and wonderful night of sleep on a real bed later, I felt recovered without a trace of the sickness that crippled me on Mount Whitney. It was really just the altitude.

They say if you want to truly know someone’s character, take them to the mountains. In an environment where there’s no easy exit to the comfort of home, the mind retreats to its fundamental survival instincts.

After summiting Mount Whitney, I discovered parts of myself I had been trying to ignore. I realized I only like challenges, like hiking a mountain, when they’re convenient and easy to bail out of. I find it hard to finish a task after reaching the “peak”, when I have to wrap up the excitement and go home safely.

The comfort zone is too predictable to reveal new things about yourself. Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations you can’t easily back out of can change how you live and transform you into who you want to be in comfortable situations. Maybe that’s why humans do hard things like run marathons or start companies - to prove to ourselves that we are more capable than we are aware of in the everyday mundaneness of life.

I challenge whoever is reading this until the end to try something risky where cancelling costs you or you can’t cancel at all, and see how it changes you. It doesn’t have to be climbing a mountain, but something like hosting a dinner party at your place (where you can’t just leave), taking an in-person paid upfront class that meets weekly for 6-8 weeks, or going to a multi-day event where you only know one person.

The challenge of being stuck in an uncomfortable situation is scary, but you’ll remember how you dealt with it forever since the emotions come so strongly. The most valuable experiences and lessons in life lie on the other side of discomfort, so if you want a fulfilling life, why not chase them?

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Sleep deprived after attempting to go out on a Saturday night for an authentic Berlin weekend clubbing experience, Sonia and I made our way to Berlin Central Station, having to change our route several times after missing our original subway route because I was moving so slow that morning. Luckily we made it 15 minutes before my train was scheduled to leave, so I bought some breakfast & lunch at a cafe first. I made one of my final attempts to order food in German at a healthy food cafe, where I made the embarrassing mistake of saying “Yes” instead of “Ja” to the cashier’s questions and he proceeded to finish the conversation in English instead. Because of the language change, he figured I was a tourist and asked where I was from. I replied Indonesia and he revealed that he was recently in Jakarta, which surprised me because foreigners usually went to Bali instead.

We walked to the platform and I said goodbye to Sonia, who was such a trooper for hosting me and being a tour guide while still recovering from wisdom teeth surgery. I showed her my ticket and she told me that my car was a “silent car”, meaning I couldn’t make any phone calls and should refrain from talking to anyone (that made me feel bad because I most likely boarded a silent car on the inbound trip and made several phone calls without knowing…) I got on the car and looked for my assigned seat, which happened to be a table seat. These are seats where two people face another two people directly with a table in the middle. I knew it could be a little uncomfortable to book one of these seats as a solo traveler, but I wanted to give it a try. Maybe I’ll meet someone there. However, my seat was taken by a father and his little daughter doing homework together. It felt wrong to kick them out, especially as a naive tourist, so I looked for another empty seat. I found an empty window seat next to a young man who had reserved the aisle seat. Soon after, the train departed and I waved goodbye to Sonia outside.

A few minutes into the journey, I heard a French-speaking lady try to land a seat in the row behind me next to this man who was guarding the empty seat for some reason I couldn’t understand. It turned out that she was trying to sit there because her reserved seat was taken - by me. She showed me her ticket and indeed I was sitting on her seat, so as a naive tourist, I surrendered. Fortunately, she was very sweet about it and smiled the whole time, so I gladly gave up the seat. Given that kicking people out of your reserved seat did not seem impolite, I tried taking back my own table seat. So I went up to father and daughter and pulled off the same trick that lady used, and to my surprise, they left without resistance. I settled down by the window in the table seat I had all to myself and texted Sonia about my victory. I enjoyed my private table for only a couple of seconds until a girl decided to sit down right in front of me at the window seat.

I’ve kind of always wanted a meet cute on a train, but I’ve never sat with someone who I’d be comfortable and willing to talk to – until now. She was one of the most gorgeous women I had ever seen in my life. She had an effortless elegance—messy bun, a blue sweater with a shade that happened to match mine, a striking red scarf. The kind of presence that made you notice someone across a room. For the whole time, I thought she was a model. I could’ve been nervous about her presence, but I wasn’t really because there was no way I could’ve started a conversation with her—we were in the quiet car and she had her AirPods on. I was also afraid of a possible language barrier and the idea that if things got awkward early on, she might get up and leave. So there was no reason to worry about what she thought of me. I settled with the idea that I would never talk to this woman, even though it would’ve been really sweet to live out a version of “Before Sunrise”

I wondered which station she would be getting off. Maybe just a couple of stations into the trip, or all the way to Munich? I spent most of my time looking outside at the beautiful fall colors that I anticipated seeing on the journey, occasionally noticing her reflection in the window when she’d look out too. We never made eye contact though. Although the seat next to me remained empty for the whole journey, an older lady sat next to her eventually. Talking to her felt even more impossible now, which paradoxically made me feel calmer since there was no reasonable opportunity now. But she’s right there in front of me - isn’t that such a shame? So I resorted to journaling how I felt in the moment, trying to capture the atmosphere of her presence so that I could remember it forever. That was enough for me.

I had no idea that Nuremberg, the last stop before Munich Central Station, was a major transit hub until a lot of passengers got off the train there. The older lady on our table left the train on that stop too, so it was once again just the two of us for the last 30 minutes of the ride. I was getting a little sentimental that the journey was about to end and I would never see this girl again. Surely, I can’t just let this be? In general, I struggle to come up with conversation starters with strangers. But suddenly - maybe because now we had the table to ourselves and there were less people on the train - I had come up with a genius idea.

I was taking photos of the view outside the whole trip and kept my camera on the table when I wasn’t using it. So I thought it would be great if I could ask to take photos of her looking out the window with my camera. And since we were about to arrive in Munich anyways, I figured it wasn’t a big deal if things got awkward between us or if we were speaking too loud among the other passengers. Once this idea bubbled up, I started getting nervous. There was no excuse not to do this, and I would forever regret not doing it. Especially after she suddenly took off her AirPods—now starting a conversation with her did not seem impolite at all.

So I took off my own headphones and looked up at the time left until arrival: 20 minutes. This is perfect. I shouldn’t wait any longer or else I would end up never saying a word. So without overthinking further, I asked her:

“Excuse me, are you a model by any chance?”

“No I’m not…”

“Ah I see, I really like your style though”

“Thank you so much”

“Would it be okay if I took some photos of you looking out at the view? I think it would be really nice”

“Sure, though I’m not very good in front of the camera”

“It’s okay, I think I can change your mind”

Then I took some photos of her staring out the window and showed them to her to some amusement. She asked if I was a photographer and I said that it was just my hobby especially when I was traveling, but then she asked me more deeply, “would you do it as a living if you could?” and I stumbled on my words saying something like “Yeah, I would be open to it… if I had the chance” as I was trying to keep my cool while in disbelief that I had actually talked to the pretty girl who was in front of me for the past 5 hours. We exchanged Instagram handles so I could send her the photos later, then proceeded to have a really profound conversation about where we were from, our hobbies, and travel aspirations. I learnt that she was originally from Berlin but is currently living in the South Tyrol region of Italy. She loves skiing and hiking, and she showed me some of her photos backpacking the beautiful trails of the Dolomites that I have always dreamed of exploring.

The loveliest part about it all was that whenever I asked her about herself, she would turn the conversation back around to ask about my story. She was very curious about my own travel itinerary going from the US to Munich, then Berlin for just a day, then back to Munich continuing towards Indonesia to renew my U.S. visa stamp. She expressed concern for my intense amount of traveling in such a short span of time. She asked about life in San Francisco - one of only two U.S. cities she would consider visiting (the other being New York City).

Her voice was calm and cool, never showing excess excitement. Maybe I was still stuck in a haze, but I tend to fall for women who show genuine, cool curiosity and are fully locked into a conversation, paying attention to the small details. Talking to her was quickly becoming the highlight of my trip. I wish I had talked to her sooner.

Then the train conductor announced that we were about to arrive in Munich, so we stopped talking, asked each other for our names, and collected our bags. On my way to pick up my large bag across the aisle, the lady who kicked me out of her seat approached me and asked if everything ended up being okay while looking at me and the girl at the table. I said a half-assed cheery-eyed yes, despite wanting to express my deepest gratitude for making me take my reserved seat else I would have never met this girl. Sometimes I like to think that this lady wasn’t a real person but an angel, and that seat reservation wasn’t real, as if it was entirely God’s plan that the two of us sat at the table that trip.

We got off the train at Munich Central Station and I said goodbye to her as she had to catch her next train continuing to Italy.

“Goodbye and I hope your U.S. visa appointment goes smoothly!”

“Hope you have a good trip as well!” I couldn’t give as thoughtful of a goodbye as hers. I blamed my nervousness in the moment.

My flight to Jakarta was still in 6 hours, so I spent the rest of my time in Munich visiting the Alte Pinakothek, a famous art museum there, and taking more photos of the city in the rain. But the whole time I was alone, I kept thinking about her and how she made me feel. I struggled to fully appreciate the paintings at the museum because my mind kept fantasizing about an alternate evening where she didn’t have to rush towards another train and we could have spent it getting to know each other more while drinking coffee, strolling in the rain, or enjoying the same works of art that I was staring at by myself there. It could’ve been just like Before Sunrise.

The week goes by and remnants from that encounter still linger in my mind strongly halfway across the world. I sent her the photos to and she received them happily, but our online conversation quickly died out. I shared my story with my family and friends, and everyone I told became invested in it. At some point, my friends knew me as the guy who met a pretty girl on a train in Europe.

Deep down inside of me, and maybe you feel this too now that you know the story, I feel the itch to want to know what happens next in this budding only-happens-in-the-movies romance story. But unfortunately no, I didn’t drop everything in my life just to be with my train meet-cute. And neither did she. It’s not a movie where our lives are fully in service of the perfect plot, and that’s totally okay.

There’s a world where I never spoke to her, but that’s not the world we live in. The seed of some future connection has at least been planted, and there’s no reason we can’t be in contact if we happen to be in the same city. It may not be the romance story we’ve been programmed through pop culture to expect, but I’m down for whatever connection the future has in store for us. It just amuses me endlessly to think that if we ever meet again, we’ll always know that the reason we know each other is that we sat across each other on the train from Berlin to Munich and I asked to take a photo of her.

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For about 6 years now, I've documented every single day of my life in a corner of a page in one of my annual bullet journals. I split each page into four sections, each containing the day's rough timeline, highlights, lessons, and points of gratitude.

Why bother? I just like doing it, and I enjoy reading my past entries. It's cool to see how my thinking has evolved through the strokes of ink I placed on the page at the exact moment in history those thoughts occurred.

I made time to write usually in the morning after breakfast or on the train commute to work. The existence of these predictable time blocks ensured that I journaled every day—at least until "life happens" and these routines disappear.

Eventually, I started carpooling to work on weekdays, so I sacrificed journaling to converse with my co-worker. Somehow, plans for work, exercise, socializing, travel, or sleeping in too close to when I needed to get ready bulldozed the usual time I'd fill out my journal. It was probably worst when I traveled on vacation—I justified spending my time creating new experiences as opposed to writing about those that had passed.

These all sound like excuses, but the truth was I relied too much on my ideal morning routine to keep my journaling habit alive. At any other time of day, there was just always something better to do.

Weeks flew by with empty pages for entries that would get harder to recollect over time. Whenever I'd missed a couple of days previously, I would spend one day on the weekend catching up. But eventually, too much "journaling debt" had built up, and I was discouraged from even trying to pay it back.

After several weeks, the momentum was all gone. Life kept going as usual, so why keep journaling? The debt kept pushing me away, reminding me of negligence I was ashamed to face. The benefits didn’t feel strong enough to pull me back either, though the thought of wanting to return slowly chewed away at my sanity.

One day, I seized a rare opportunity to recover my cherished habit—a 5-hour coast-to-coast flight to Washington DC in broad daylight. I would be in peak wakefulness, and there would be absolutely no distractions. So for most of the flight, I recovered journal entries spanning almost 2 months—the longest I'd gone without logging a single day. Finally - the “perfect” moment to pay off my journaling debt.

I found myself turning to my journal more naturally throughout that DC trip. It's like that intensive 5-hour session of jogging my memory brought back the momentum and excitement to record my life—something I'd seen no point in doing during the depths of my journaling drought.

Taking a bizarre step to restarting a project or habit reminded me a concept Cal Newport wrote about in his book "Deep Work” called the “grand gesture”:

"By leveraging a radical change to your normal environment, coupled perhaps with a significant investment of effort or money, all dedicated toward supporting a deep work task, you increase the perceived importance of the task."

To me, the most important part of this concept was the "radical change to your normal environment." I would have had those 5 hours any other weekend, but the radically different circumstance of being on an airplane forced me to lock in and overcome the resistance to something usually difficult for me to do.

In more simple terms, nothing changes if nothing changes.

I've lost several habits to this trap in the past year—namely reading, playing piano, and writing posts on this very Substack.

I abandoned this newsletter several weeks before 2025 started. I had planned to write a super long edition elaborating on the 12 lessons I learned from 2024, but I never finished it since it took way too long to write. I got discouraged, and I guess you could call it part of my "newsletter debt."

But recently, I've been picking up on signs that I should start again. The half-year mark as a checkpoint to refresh my goals. Discovering Oliver Burkeman's newsletter about simple but effective writing tips. A friend's contagious excitement for starting her own Substack.

Plus, I've initiated somewhat of a "grand gesture" where I prepare all my meals on the weekend so I no longer have to cook on weekdays, leaving my nights completely free to work on creative projects like this. Not as radical as a retreat in the sky, but a noticeable change in my daily schedule that enabled my habit change.

With the signs from the outside world and my inner world setting myself up for success, I have gladly returned to writing. But in contrast to my journaling comeback, I’m not going to try catching up on expired ideas before writing about my present. I’m just showing up and writing about what interests me today.

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But I started caring much more after I went on a week-long trip in Japan.

It was a family trip that I’ve been dreaming about for years. When we realized we could finally make it happen, I planned the itinerary to cover Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka - the three cities I’ve heard were essential to a first trip to Japan.

After booking my flight tickets, the anticipation brewed every day. It’s been a while since I’ve traveled to a completely new country with city layouts and culture I have no familiarity with, so it felt like stepping way outside my comfort zone.

I counted down the days to my departure. T-60 days. 30. On day T-21, I started Japanese Duolingo. Then T-1 day.

Before I knew it, I was in Japan.

The week felt like an entire month as I set aside my office work responsibilities and just thought about what me and my family were going to do for the day in this foreign country. It was just a week, but I felt like a fish out of water learning how to walk on completely new terrain - a new language, different cultural norms, and fresh cityscapes to wander.

Though I had been to Tokyo before for a 12 hour layover, this trip felt like a proper introduction to what it was like to participate in Japanese society (as a tourist). Here are five first impressions from my time in Japan that I will never forget:

1. The train rides are serene, with playful melodies make the city feel like a video game

Most likely when you first land in Japan, your first mode of transportation is one of its many train systems. Stepping into the station, you’ll notice many stark differences when compared to trains in the U.S. or Europe - clean stations and train cars, barricaded platforms, quiet passengers, everyone wearing their backpacks in front (not sure if this is either to prevent pickpocketing or to not take up unnecessary space), and my favorite feature of them all: the playful “departure melodies” that play before the train leaves the station. These sounds, which vary across train stations, truly complete the sensory experience of riding on Japanese trains, making the subway feel like a video game.

The Shinkansen Bullet Trains also deserve noteworthy praise. Despite the anxiety of navigating the crowded Tokyo Station looking for our ticket booth and boarding platform, the ride on one of the fastest trains in the world was one of the most peaceful experiences I’ve ever had - and I didn’t want it to end. We passed Mount Fuji blazingly fast and we had the signature Ekiben boxes that you purchase at the stations to eat on the train. My dad got one that was self-heating via a chemical reaction, something I’ve never seen before anywhere in the world.

On the topic of public transportation - I have to mention the uniqueness of the Kyoto bus system. You have to board through the middle of the bus and exit through the front of a usually overcrowded bus where you pay the fare. The bus driver also always mumbles a certain phrase when he steps on the gas after the bus stops to prevent passengers from slipping - so considerate!

2. The joy of learning a new alphabet and language right where it’s being used

I started learning Japanese on Duolingo exactly 3 weeks before my arrival in Tokyo just for fun. Despite not learning enough to hold a conversation in Japanese (besides impressing the staff at restaurants and hotels with my ability to order rice and green tea), I was most excited about my newly learned ability to read Hiragana, one of the alphabets used in Japanese. Compared to the time I had a day layover in Tokyo with zero ability to read Japanese, on this trip I practiced reading signs at train stations and restaurant menus.

But I quickly realized that Japanese text usually combines the 3 different alphabets in a sentence, so I could only read a fraction of what I saw. Though the times that I was able to read text in Hiragana felt like a personal victory every time.

I felt like a kid again trying to understand navigate a new way of communication. Learning Japanese in Japan tickled a part of my brain I hadn’t touched in a very long time and made me realize there is so much to learn outside of my daily routine as an adult in Western society.

3. The convenience store routine right before we head back for the night

Japan is known for its cute, iconic, 24-hour convenience stores (or konbini) that are levels of magnitude better than similarly branded stores in the U.S. Every night before we went back to our hotel, we would always stop by the Family Mart nearby and pick up snacks for breakfast. Some of my favorites were the French Toast, Soft-boiled egg, and Onigiri. This routine was quintessential to our trip and to many other travelers.

Just like the trains, the convenience stores were always crystal clean, had cute sounds playing over the speakers, and friendly customer service. They sparked a special kind of joy that made me appreciate the hospitality of the country.

4. Refreshing urban design

As a fan of street photography, I could not help but keep taking out my camera to capture city scenes that were so different from home. Perhaps it’s the dense, sprawling urban life of Tokyo that spawns unique combinations of people and neon lights, or the peaceful, traditional alleyways in Kyoto that took me back in time. Either way, I was placed in an environment that was completely different from my routine in the SF Bay Area such that I was always completely in-tune with the surroundings. It reminded me of what it was like to visit New York City for the first time, where the hustle and bustle compares to that of Tokyo or Osaka and I was similarly inspired to capture snapshots of city life.

5. Everyone does their best to not cause trouble upon anyone

Nobody jaywalks in Japan even if there are no cars on the road. Nobody talks to each other or on the phone on the train (one of the things that immediately annoyed me on one of my first train rides back after my trip). Nobody eats in public while walking. All of the staff at restaurants and stores keep welcoming customers with friendly greetings. It seemed like there was a strong foundational force that the Japanese have been raised on to avoid personal embarrassment and it has led to a very safe and comfortable environment to be a stranger.

However, I would say that this is not always my favorite part of Japan. I did notice that people rarely say excuse me (sumimasen) unless they really need to - the cities are so crowded and bumping into people is inevitable. It was confusing as a tourist whether it was acceptable or not to say excuse me or just quietly brush through the crowd.

In addition, this creates the concept of a “cold” society where people stay in their lane so much that talking to strangers feels so taboo - unlike how it is an everyday occurrence in the U.S.

Overall, the Japan trip made me feel refreshed and humbled. Refreshed by knowing that there do exist parts of the world that are harmonious, clean, and uphold strong traditional values without being plagued by Western political and societal drama. Humbled by the fact that there are a so many cultural differences to adapt to if I wanted to fit into a new culture, such as that of the Japanese. I felt like I had to tone down the American side of my identity that is straightforward, loud and self-centered in order to respect the local norms.

The trip made me wonder—perhaps this is what it feels like for a foreigner when they visit Bali, a place with a culture so different from their Western origins that it tempts them to stay there for months at a time. Now I’m even considering what it would feel like to live in Japan for a portion of my life and understand a culture that, only a week before, I was barely curious about.

Note: all of the photos are screen captures from my Japan series on my Instagram & Youtube

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I wrote this newsletter as a cautionary message to myself and to anyone who also tends to mistake the pain of overworking as proof of being on the right track — a belief that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Career late nights aren’t the same as college late nights

When I was in university, working late into the night was a common and acceptable practice to meet deadlines. This isn’t the case for working in industry, where the workday typically ends at 5pm and you don’t check anything work-related until the next workday begins.

In my opinion, this is because a day in university is spread out evenly throughout the week (plus weekends), unlike the constant grind of an 8 hour workday, and it is fully your responsibility to complete your work in time. It wasn’t bucketed into a container of 40 hours a week like a normal job is.

So this “work into the night” mindset was not a foreign concept to me when I started working. During the handful of times that I had to work past 7pm, it just felt like I was back in university just trying to meet a deadline. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, especially because I enjoy the work and it was also common in my workplace for engineers to stay late every so often.

Another incentive to work long hours for me was to stand out amongst the stereotypical Gen Z worker who is perceived as reluctant to work (just like how every other generation was similarly perceived when they were starting to enter the workforce). I felt proud of my work ethic, though my friends would call me out on being “brainwashed” into doing dedicating a majority of my life to my job.

Overworking the mind = overworking the body

But then I started to feel the burn when working long hours became a recurring event. One day after another, I would feel slightly less motivated, unenergized, slower, and my work quality would decline. 

I realized that mental energy used during knowledge work works in a similar way to physical energy used during exercise. Workout plans generally emphasize rest days, especially after intense bouts of physical activity, so that the body can recover and do well for the next workout.

Constantly working out all day and week long results in poor technique and increases the risk of injury. 

Likewise for mental work, rest and recovery is essential to staying productive during the week. Taking weeknights, weekends and vacations off allows you to recharge for work.

Constantly working all day and week long results in poor quality work and increases the risk of burnout.

This is something neither the employee nor the employer wants. In a healthy work environment, suffering does not equate to success.

The solution (from my experience)

So how can you avoid martyrdom in the name of your career? Here are the ways that I have been trying to deal with this over the past few weeks as someone in a relatively junior role:

• Negotiate expectations: Manage the workload with whoever demands the work from you. This could be your manager, colleagues, client, or even yourself. Transparently discuss what work you already have and how much time it would take based on your experience. If you have to estimate, intelligently overestimate to account for potential delays (consider the ‘planning fallacy’)

• Delegate: Unlike in school, you can delegate work to clear your plate for tasks that only you can do. This could mean passing tasks to a colleague or hiring someone more proficient.

• Deprioritize: A clear, ranked list of priorities helps you manage demands that seem urgent but should be delegated or deferred. This is a useful list to have when negotiating work expectations, showing what tasks matter most.

For me, achieving this involved communicating my priorities and concerns with my manager during my one-on-ones, demonstrating what I could not do as a result of pursuing more important tasks. As a result, I reduced pressure and excess hours, enjoyed my work more, and performed better.

However, when you’re young and low in the career hierarchy, it’s hard to say no because you have little ‘skin in the game.’ In my opinion, occasional, short term (under a week) overtime is acceptable to catch up and discover your limits. 

But take this as a warning to prevent yourself from getting used to the overwhelming firehose of work -- long term suffering is not sustainable. If your current work environment or goals don’t value rest and recovery, consider whether you should stay on that path.

Time is your most valuable asset, so reflect 1on how you spend every minute. Maybe you enjoy working long hours and feel comfortable with it. Or you would rather work a job that demands significantly less hours so that you can pursue other life goals. The most important thing is that how you spend your time energizes you, aligns with who you want to become, and leaves you at peace with the sacrifices you make.

Constant pain and suffering should not be your measure of doing the bare minimum (unless you’re an anomaly like David Goggins). Life is too short to keep beating yourself up; if you were to die tomorrow, what would you rather regret: not impressing your boss, or not living the moments that make life worth remembering?

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#1. The loss of the child-like excitement of experiencing things for the first time

Self

When I was a kid, I used to wonder why kids are so curious about what random people are looking at on their device’s screens, but adults aren’t. Now that I’m older, I realize there are two reasons:

1. It’s embarrassing and inappropriate to be nosy about strangers’ business

2. There’s no novelty factor - it’s probably something I’ve seen before

Is our curiosity decreasing with age?

In addition, as we get older we can see younger people having more energy than us. This is very common on a college campus where the freshmen tend to have a bundle of fresh excitement for college life that slowly goes away over time until you’re a senior who has seen it all and can’t wait to graduate. 

I think it’s because the things that are repetitive and usual for older people are still new and interesting to younger people. As you get older, there are less new things you can experience so life gets more mundane. Day in day out, same old routine.

At least, that’s the case if you don’t go out of your way to find new experiences to reintroduce that child-like curiosity of discovering the world.

I had a phase in my life a few years ago where I tried one new thing every week. And I felt like a kid again, experiencing the rush of excitement as I encountered a lot of new things (especially after a pandemic!)

But now I’m going through a time where I don’t mind not trying new things so often and embracing what I already have. Sure, it may be more mundane, but I crave a sense of stability now that I’ve gratefully ticked off a lot of things on my bucket list. And that’s just the evolution of life, at least for me. 

#2. The fear of enjoying your own company too much, leading to having unrealistic standards for a partner

Human connection

Modern day romance is increasingly hard to come by and I worry that the longer I wait, the more I will develop standards that are too strict because I’d spend too much time enjoying being alone. I worry that a partnership would get in the way of the life I’ve developed on my own with the friends and family I already have.

With the quality of relationships declining, let alone the prospects of getting into one in a big city being low,

it seems that hope is very dim for finding love before my standards get too unrealistic.

However, this may not be worth worrying about too much. I talked about this issue with a good friend of mine today over brunch and she said that the person for you isn’t necessarily going to be someone who ticks all of your boxes, but just the core values you want and the rest will just be something that you work to compromise on or obtain through other friendships in your life. For example, if the love for the outdoors is a core value you’d like to share with a partner, it’s okay if you find someone you click with in that regard but who doesn’t share the same passion for house music that you can just share with other friends.

Being in a healthy, supportive relationship is preferable over being single. But being single is preferable to being in an unhealthy, toxic relationship.

#3. The need to change your lifestyle and sacrifice old habits to level up

Self (health), work

In the gym, you can’t lift the same weights forever and expect to be stronger. You need to lift progressively harder over time. Then you’ll get more sore and tired, so you need to eat a little differently and sleep more so that your gains don’t go to waste.

Same goes for running. You can’t just run the same distance and pace all the time and expect to be faster for longer distances. You need to add more variety and difficulty to the workouts. Pay more attention to what you eat and don’t eat, as well as maintain healthy sleep hygiene.

In the world of fitness, getting better doesn’t mean just doing more of the same thing. It’s all about constant improvement and changing little parts of your daily routine to improve your performance. Changing your diet. Changing how you rest. Changing how you plan your day around the variety of workouts you have to do. Changing your lifestyle.

This week, I realized that this approach could also be applied for your professional career. I was having my one-on-one with my manager and I was informing him of the “storm” of added workload that I’ve been having to bear for the past few weeks. He humbled me by saying that the stress of the “storm” at a startup will only get harder over time and vaguely suggested some tips on how to handle it - one of the things he mentioned was a “lifestyle change.”

He didn’t go into any detail, but I kept thinking about the fitness example that I was familiar with and the analogy to engineering work. I assume it has to do with changing my mindset during the workday to work smarter, not harder. Setting the day up for success by intelligently managing priorities and distractions from other coworkers asking fewer important things from you. And unfortunately, it may mean having to be open to doing work after hours or on weekends - a change of lifestyle.

Becoming better doesn’t mean just doing more of the same thing, and in the context of work it definitely cannot mean just working more hours to deal with the workload. If anything, the hours I already have are now way more precious and I have to protect them from distraction.

It doesn’t get easier - you just get stronger.

Thanks for reading and hopefully see you next week!

Stay curious,

Rafi

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Here’s some good news and bad news:

Bad news: I haven’t written one of these in a while (it’s officially the longest time without a letter all year - 2.5 months) because I realize that a lot of the lessons I learn during a typical week are quite personal and boring -_- So the format I planned for two letters ago hasn’t been working for me.

Good news: Since it’s been almost 3 months, I’ve collected a lot more learnings that I believe are worthy of sharing with you. To help constrain what topics I would write about, each note would fall under a combination of the following topics: self (health, self-care, personal development), human connection (relationships, social life), work (9-5, professional life) and play (travel, entertainment).

So without further ado, here are some of the learnings I’ve been thinking about these past few months: 

#1. Don’t waste time making small decisions - instead spend it on making your decisions work

Self (personal development)

On average, adults make ~35,000 decisions in a day. A majority of them are little decisions like what to eat, wear or whether or not to go out or stay in.

I recently learned about Fredkin’s Paradox: The smaller the difference between options, the harder it is to make the decision. Most of the time, this means that the decisions that are the least consequential take up the most of our time. 

As someone who overthinks a lot of small decisions, this was a wake up call.

Instead of wasting time weighing the pros and cons of little decisions, just choose quickly and use that time you saved from overthinking to make the decision work. If the outcome isn’t good, just don’t make that choice again next time. Some things don’t need to be perfect!

Examples:

• Don’t overthink which restaurant to eat in - just pick the closest one and get the most popular meal. If it tastes bad, don’t pick that restaurant or that menu item again.

• Don’t overthink what shirt to wear today - just pick the one on top of your laundry pile. If you don’t like your outfit, don’t wear that combination again (or just wear the same outfit every day like Steve Jobs)

• Don’t overthink whether or not you’re ready to go to the gym - just go and follow the workouts you planned to do that day. If you end up not being able to perform well, just take it easy on the reps or weight or change your workout plan for next time.

Stress less about the little things and make more time and energy for the decisions that really matter. 

#2. Hold on to friends that keep their promises like diamonds

Human connection (relationships)

The worst thing to happen in any relationship is to lose trust in the other person. The thing is, it doesn’t take a huge betrayal event to damage the trust in a relationship - breaking seemingly little promises like coming late to a gathering or flaking altogether last minute can chip away at a bond that took a long time to build. 

If someone breaks a promise once or twice, what does that say about future promises they’ll keep with you? Eventually, you’ll be cautious about any promise they propose to you. Promises lose value over time each time they are broken.

Likewise, the same applies to you. Make sure to fulfill the promises you make each time for the sake of being someone who keeps their word. For example, follow through with the plans you make with friends and show up on time. This means that when you think you can’t keep a promise, be honest and say no. This shows more character than an inconsiderate “yes”.

I made plans with some friends to attend an event that we were all excited about. It seemed like everyone was in, so I bought my ticket soon after. However after following up with them a few days before the event, it turns out nobody had bought their tickets and they each had their own reason for not going anymore. Although I admit that we could have coordinated buying tickets more cooperatively, now I’m cautious about making promises with these friends again.

Even though there will be people who don’t value your time, there are also people who do. Remember these people and hold on to them like diamonds because those are the people who are worth your time, energy, and honesty. 

#3. Treat sleep deprivation like a disease

Self (Health)

It’s easy to let sleep be the first thing to go out the door when we’re using up all our waking hours busy living our lives. I mean, one night of bad sleep can’t kill us, right?

But when it compounds over multiple days, our bodies and minds break down so much that it feels like a disease. Just like how it feels to have a cold, we can’t do as many things as we could compared to when we’re healthy and well rested.

A few months ago, I went on a weekend trip out of town that involved a lot of physical activity (we fit in surfing, volleyball, and yoga in the span of 24 hours!) but I had only slept a total of 12 hours over the span of 3 nights. The following work week was hellish after starting off Monday morning straight from the airport and having to sleep early every day. My evenings were full of doing nothing because I was just looking forward to sleep. 

It felt like I was fighting an illness without actually being ill.

Fortunately, avoiding this was fully in my control. Since then, I’ve made 7-9 hours of sleep a non-negotiable part of my daily schedule and my alertness and mood have been pretty good ever since. My physical and mental performance has consistently stayed high whenever I maintain healthy sleep habits. 

If I know I have to sacrifice sleep for a few days due to travel, I have to make sure that the days leading up to and following the trip allow me to sleep a little bit more than usual to ensure I can survive the sleep deprivation.

Sleep is not a waste of time - it’s what makes sure you don’t waste your time always feeling tired.

Hopefully some of these insights resonated with you. I may fall back to only posting one lesson a week for the rest of the year just so I can remain consistent and finish the year strong. Remember, there’s less than 100 days left in 2024!

Stay curious,

Rafi

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July is almost over and I hope it’s been a month of good memories and lessons for you. Continuing from the last letter’s theme, I would like to share a few insights from my daily journals over the past two weeks. 

#1. Get addicted to good habits

Productivity

I've discovered the joy of playing the piano daily, learning one of my favorite songs by Laufey (who I think is on track to becoming my top Spotify artist of the year). It’s been effortless and enjoyable, which is a stark contrast to my childhood piano lessons. Back then, I’d only practice to avoid being shouted at by my teacher, and progress was slow. 

What changed? Now, I play out of a genuine desire to master a song I love. The progress I make each day feels addicting—I look forward to seeing how much better I can get. This shift from external motivation to internal joy has made all the difference. 

Here’s my takeaway: if you can find a way to get addicted to a difficult habit you want to develop, you won’t need external reasons to stick with it. If there isn’t anything inherently enjoyable about the task, make up a way to make your progress satisfying, like playing your favorite songs in the background or ticking off a daily habit tracker to maintain a streak. Embrace these "good" addictions and let them fuel your daily routine.

#2. Surround yourself with an energizing community

Work life, social life

I feel incredibly fortunate to love my day job, something I never thought I’d say! The work is fulfilling, but the real magic lies in the people I work with. My colleagues are hardworking, collaborative, and always up for a bit of fun. Lunch breaks are a joy, and we end the day feeling content and eager to return.

When friends ask about my work, I can genuinely say I enjoy it. This positive environment makes a huge difference in how I feel about my job, and I notice a similar pattern in others based on their reactions to work-related conversations.

So, find a community that energizes you on a daily basis—whether it’s at work or in other areas of your life. It will make every day worth waking up for.

#3. Being bilingual can give you two (or more) different identities

Identity, language

Last week, I spent a morning with my Indonesian friends, effortlessly using local pop culture references and slang. In the evening, I was with my American friends, switching to American cultural references just as easily. 

I realized that day how being bilingual allows me to navigate between different identities, shaped by where I was raised and where I live now. It’s a fascinating phenomenon that I’m still trying to grasp the implications of. In my opinion, it plays a part in being more empathetic to people with different backgrounds since I frequently change my cultural perspective based on who I’m talking to.

If you’re curious to learn more, check out this article: How does knowing more than one language impact your identity?

I hope these insights resonate with you as much as they did with me. Until next time, take care and keep learning :)

Best,

Rafi

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Since I started daily journaling about 5 years ago, I have been writing down at least one highlight and one lesson I learned that day. Recently I’ve been feeling lost on what to write for these newsletters, then one day this past week I realized that I can just write about some of my favorite daily lessons from the past week. These are usually related to topics that are top of mind for me and thus easier to write about. 

So starting today, I’m writing in this new format that touch on 3 life lessons from topics relevant to life as a 20-something figuring out life.

#1. Someone older will always wish they were as young as you

Time/perspective

While going on a run through my neighborhood, I heard some 30-somethings, who for the sake of example we shall call Olivia and Grace, talking over a cup of coffee outside a cafe. I assume they were talking about a past event in Grace’s life when Olivia asked “Weren’t you still really young back then?”, to which Grace replied “Yeah, I was around 24-25”

Being in my mid 20s, it’s easy to think that my youth is running out and that I’ve passed the best years of my life already, especially when I’m surrounded by college-aged people in the area that I live in who have just started their 20s.

But that’s not true. In fact, according to these women and most likely a lot of older people, I’m still “really young”.

Hearing this made me feel very grateful that I am still “young” and I can still take advantage of opportunities that I’ll regret not being able to do when I’m older. Like learning new skills, building wealth, and traveling the world.

And feel humbled by the fact that there is still so many lessons I will learn and experiences I will see before I can seriously call myself “old”.

#2. You need to reject additional minor improvements so you can actually deliver

Work

I was chasing a deadline at work earlier this week and kept getting pressured by my team to add more features to a mechanical design that I had to send to suppliers that could build it. Somehow the demands got more unrealistic closer to the deadline and I had to prioritize getting the work delivered as opposed to adding an excessive amount of extra features that have not been proven to work. I kept my guard up and exercised my ability to decide on tradeoffs to say no to unnecessary work.

By doing this, I was able to make the deadline and ensured that the team was in agreement with the final design.

In a totally separate scenario, I was working on a travel reel for a recent trip to New York City late into the night and found myself exporting the final result more than 5 times because I kept adding little details to the clips after every export. I eventually stopped once I realized it was 1:30 AM and decided to upload the video the next afternoon.

However, once I was about to upload it, I realized that there was one tiny detail that I missed and could fix later. I definitely could have put off uploading it and fixed this minor issue that no one will notice except me, but I was tired of delaying uploads more and more so I just said screw it and pressed upload.

The timing of the upload turned out to be perfect for the Instagram algorithm to push it out to the most people. None of this would have been possible if I opted to endlessly edit the footage in the evening and fall prey to my perfectionism. 

#3. Unexpressed expectations are premeditated resentments

Relationships

There was someone I have been seeing (not in a romantic way!) on a regular basis in the mornings at the gym. I knew she would be there at the same time every day and talking to her would be one of the highlights of my day. Our like-minded conversations made me look forward to coming to the gym on those days.

One day I went out of my way to ensure that I would make it to the gym in time to start my day with this person, however, that day she was nowhere to be found. I eventually met her somewhere else later in the day in a group setting and - long story short - found out that she would no longer visit that spot at the same predictable time.

Somehow this made me feel really down that day and made me feel distant with this person. But there truly is no one to blame for my negative emotions besides myself because I never explicitly agreed with her to meet me at the gym at the same time regularly. I had an unexpressed expectation that led to a resentment that had nothing to do with this person’s flaws.

I could have asked them to agree on a time we could meet regularly, but I felt scared of being awkward and crossing personal boundaries by asking her about this. 

As long as I don’t say anything, this will always remain an unexpressed expectation. For the sake of my mental health, I either have to express how I feel or let it go. 

Both paths are painful but it’s a matter of which pain I prefer to endure.

(Some specific details about this story have been altered to preserve privacy)

Thank you for reading through the newsletter! I hope that this new format will make it easier for me to write consistently and provide value to your inbox :)

Enjoy the rest of your week,

Rafi

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Choosing not to change my screen protector immediately was a small decision, but this small decision was repeated on every day that I chose to not fix the broken screen and started taking up more mental space than I would like. Fast forward to yesterday and I still haven’t changed the screen protector. I changed it today because of what I realized from writing the rest of this letter.

Opening the loops

In psychology, there is a term called the Zeigarnik effect that refers to how we tend to have difficulty forgetting facts related to unfinished tasks as opposed to those of finished tasks. This is why we tend to keep thinking about watching the next episode of a Netflix show that ended on a cliffhanger, or a text message you read but chose not to respond to. In the same way, this effect makes it hard for you to forget about tasks you have yet to complete and why ticking off the to-do list feels so satisfying mentally.

Ignoring little unfinished tasks may seem harmless in the moment. Like ignoring a hard-to-remove stain on your shirt, a pair of shoes that hasn't been returned to the shoe rack, or a text message that you haven't responded to in days. There are bigger problems in life to address.

But stack too many and the mental burden can be overbearing - especially every time you notice a trigger to the issue at hand, like looking at the broken phone screen in my case. You wouldn't want to reach a point where there are so many little problems in your life that you become desensitized to them and accept them as the new normal.

If all of these small problems could be solved as soon as they were created, there wouldn't be a need to write about this topic. But usually we ignore them since they seem insignificant compared to other things in life we have to deal with in the moment. How do you prevent too many unfinished small tasks, or "open loops" as I like to call them, from accumulating and taking up your precious mental space?

Closing the loops

Here are some of my go-to strategies for closing little loops that nag on my focus:

• SCHEDULE time to close the loops - Dedicate a limited amount of time to close the loop and fix these small issues. For example, this could be 30 minutes or 1 hour on Sundays to do all the little things that you would otherwise ignore in your busy life. Before this dedicated time block, be sure to list down all the little issues you're trying to finish first so that you don't miss any open loops.

  • By only dedicating a limited time block for these issues, you prevent the possibility of these little problems from taking up your entire day. No one wants to waste time on little things they don't usually care about.

  • If you discover that the small open loop is a part of a larger problem you need to work on, then set aside time to work on that larger problem separately from the other little open loops.

• BLOCK any small loops from opening - If you know you have to keep your mental space clear for a set time period, set up your environment so that you can't have minor tasks pop up and open loops in your brain and bog down your thinking capacity. This could mean:

  • Setting your phone on Do Not Disturb (or a certain focus mode if you're on an iPhone) when you need to do focused work or in the company of people you want to dedicate your undivided attention to.

  • Being in a location that is free from random disturbances and noises that could unintentionally open loops, such as strangers having a conversation about a movie they watched last night making you want to watch it too now.

  • Having a place to write notes about random little tasks or ideas so that you can write them down to move them out from your mind and clear up mental space.

• REFRESH any triggers that open small loops - If you keep ignoring a trigger to a small problem you need to solve, it may help to distance yourself from the trigger for a few days or weeks so that, when you return to it, the issue becomes major enough for you to want to do something about it.

  • For example, the messy apartment you got used to for months suddenly seems messier than when you left it for two weeks on vacation even though nothing was touched. Your fresh perspective on how messy the place is convinces you that you actually need to do something about it!

Hopefully with these tips, you'll gradually find yourself with less small open loops in your life so that you can focus on the bigger challenges in life with a clear mind. If you can't get the little things right, how are you going to solve the big things? What small loops are you going to close today?

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P.S. Again it's been quite some time since the last letter… I'm figuring out a system to get these out weekly this month. So if you see an email from me once a week for the rest of the month, you'll know that my system is working 😉

That was up until around two weeks ago when I tested positive for COVID-19.

It started with a sore throat that just didn't go away. I still went to work for the first two days I was sick (with a mask - that was one pandemic lesson I haven't forgotten) because I called it off as a "runner's cold" since I accepted that my immune system would be weaker than usual after running a marathon a few days before that. But when my sore throat was persistent on day 3, it somehow reminded me of what it felt like when I got COVID 2 years ago. So I decided to take a rapid test and thought I was hallucination when I saw the T line so quick and thick to appear.

So I just worked from home the next day, because even though I felt like crap, I was still able to use my brain to get some smaller tasks done. Then I had to cancel going to a friend's birthday party that night. I also had to call off fasting for Ramadan for a couple of days because I needed to drink a lot of water and eat healthy to give my body the ability to fight off the disease.

Luckily it was Friday so I had the weekend to completely rest and I definitely needed it - my body shut down completely and I couldn't get myself to do anything. Every day felt like a different symptom was taking over my body and it was hard to believe that I could do anything productive or for leisure. I was just laying there on my bed, waiting for the day to end so I can get a full night of rest back in. Contrast that to the weeks prior when my schedule was packed with things to do - working, socializing, and exercise - especially when my health was at its prime for running a marathon just less than a week before I reached the lowest point in my physical and mental health in a long time.

I questioned what I was useful for if I didn't have my health. I was useless. I thought I could do some low effort chores like organizing my bookshelf or sorting out my messy phone camera roll. But I couldn't bring up any motivation or energy to do so. As someone who is always trying to give purpose to every action I take, I couldn't give any purpose to my bedridden self and there was no point in trying to find one.

Until I started to feel better.

With my mind and body starting to clear up from the virus on Monday, I realized that completely taking a pause from life helped my body recover not just physically to make my body healthier, but also to reset my habits and mental performance. If I hadn't fully let myself rest and just tried to keep ticking off tasks from my to-do list, I would be delaying my recovery even more and would have to take more days off work. In other words, doing nothing was necessary so that I could actually do something meaningful again in the near future.

This was very difficult to see in the middle of the pain. Maybe I just have to accept that not everything I do needs to have a clear purpose, especially in the moment. It eventually makes sense later down the road when overcoming the challenge leads you to a slightly better place in life.

And it's crazy how I had to get COVID to finally force myself to just do nothing and fully reset my life. When I was sick, hours just passed by and I was just a bystander to life: existing and not living. Now that I am starting to be a functioning healthy human being again, I have a newfound appreciation for the hours in my day. It's like I'm starting on a blank slate and I can build back into my day good habits (like writing this newsletter) and ignore bad habits I used to do.

At the end of it all, I started to develop a sense of gratitude for this COVID experience in resetting my life. But in general, it doesn't have to be a disease that cripples your life and forces you to take a break from life. It can be a retreat, vacation, or perhaps a move to a new city or country. And I'm not just talking about a break from your work, but also a break from your daily habits that you don't usually notice as you live your life on autopilot. The pause may feel like it has no purpose, but it's that purposelessness (is that even a word?) that may give you the purpose you couldn't quite find before.

P.S. It's been quite some time since I last wrote an entry into this online journal project I started back in January - I'm sorry for being MIA. I realized that the main reason I don't write often enough is because I overthink the topics and I end up putting in too much time than I can afford to it. From now on, I'll just write for 1 hour every week and post whatever I have on a weekly basis.

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Wins from my early 20s

Win #1: Taking initiative in building friendships

Before the pandemic, I used to rely mostly on invitations from other people to do social activities. If, on some weekend, no one had invited me to do anything and my weekend was empty, I would feel down because I felt everyone else was socializing with their friends except me. I would try to fight off my bad mood by convincing myself that I was an introvert who didn’t need others’ company to feel good, but the reality is that introverts can still enjoy the company of a few close friends - something I felt like I didn’t have and craved deeply. I thought about planning get-togethers but I was too lazy to deal with conflicting schedules or interests in what to do, and I always assumed that the friends I wanted to plan activities with always had something better to do.

In the days we were stuck at home in 2020, socializing did not come as easily as before and we had to be more intentional about who we hung out with - were they in contact with anyone who had the virus - and the activities we did - were the locations indoor or outdoor and do you need to bring anything to prove your health. This period of my life taught me that putting in the effort to meet people you’re interested in seeing was something that everyone else had to do - whether or not we’re in a pandemic - and it wasn’t something that I had zero control of.

With this mindset, over time I became comfortable planning social gatherings. Whether that’s asking friends to have a short lunch one day or to go on a week-long trip to Hawaii, I’ve learned to mold my expectations around others’ availability and come up with solutions to make things happen. The reality of friendships is that they require a lot more time and effort to build than I used to think. I couldn’t just call for a friendship to appear problem-free whenever I want.

Win #2: Exercising (almost) every day

Before my 20s, I only exercised when I felt like it and it would usually be because I had to do it for someone else (for example, P.E. class or playing soccer with friends). That started to change when I got a bicycle at the start of my sophomore year and cycled through the hilly Berkeley campus almost every day. I got used to getting in some exercise every day this way, even though it was just short bursts of cardio. 

But then when the pandemic hit and there was no reason to go out of the house every day, I no longer got my daily dose of cycling. So I started to get into the easiest routine of home workouts to fill in all the extra the time I was spending at home. 

I started with just bodyweight exercises, then I advanced to workouts with a pair of dumbbells and a pull up bar. My workouts took no longer than 30 minutes and I enjoyed them. I did them at the same general time every day and starting the sessions required less mental friction. Eventually, exercising every day became a key part of my daily routine that it became difficult to not get a workout in and I was doing them for the enjoyment of the process itself and not for the end result of a fitter body.

The same workouts get boring over time, so since then I've increased the difficulty of my workouts and added more variety to the sports I do. The confidence I gained from being able to do the simple, easy workouts allowed me to do more and push my limits.

If any advice is to come from this, it is to start easy with a type of exercise you enjoy. That doesn't have to be lifting weights - it could be yoga, swimming, or martial arts. Eventually when you keep up an exercise habit for a long time, you'll want to make it more challenging. Plus along the way, you'll make your body fitter and your mind clearer to take care of all the other challenges in your life.

Win #3: Taking initiative to travel and do new things

Similar to my previous mindset regarding socializing, I used to mostly rely on friends or communities I was a part of to invite me out to trips. Then out of my curiosity as a lonely 20 year old without many friends, I became intrigued by the concept of solo traveling and went on my first solo trip to Los Angeles - simply because I didn’t want to coordinate a trip with anyone else and I really wanted to just go travel no matter what. It ended up being a liberating new way of travel that I embraced many more times in the future. 

As I became more comfortable with solo travel, I practiced how to take care of the "dirty work" - a.k.a. logistics - involved with trip planning that I think puts a lot of people (including my past self) off from traveling. This gave me the power turn any dream trip idea into reality, whether that be by myself or with a group. I think this can be a whole new topic for a future newsletter if you're interested!

In addition, I learned to give myself full permission to follow my curiosity when it comes to exploring new places and doing new things. Thus I don’t need anyone else’s approval or willingness to join for me to do it, which has unlocked a wealth of experiences all over the world that I would not trade for anything else.

Regrets from my early 20s

Regret #1: Half-assing my creative dreams

My early 20s were filled with creative hobbies, mainly music production, photography and videography. In each of them, I dreamt of reaching a large audience that would allow me to pursue the art full time. But the reality was I would keep putting off taking it seriously and going all in. 

This regret really kicks in when I discover new rising artists or videographers who are around my age. Specifically, people who started honing their craft at the same time period I contemplated taking my hobbies seriously. I keep thinking "if I went all in at the same time they did, I could've ended up where they are today" This mostly happens when I'm at music festivals or concerts watching new artists perform on huge stages, thinking about my could-have-been music career.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I completely wasted my time back then entirely. I prioritized my university studies and career development, which have led to my current stable engineering job that I’m grateful for. And when I look back on what I did produce from the creative hobbies I had, it was also not completely nothing - there are some songs and videos I made that I am proud of to this day. It’s just that I felt like I did not put in that extra effort and generate enough volume to increase my chances of reaching a large audience. I just lived my dreams in my own head, never trying enough to make them come to life.

To remedy this for the future, I need to start treating my creative pursuits like a personal business and being diligent with them as I do for school and work; setting personal deadlines and not letting myself off the cuff easily if I don’t achieve them; having my friends and audience hold me accountable to promises I set for this journey; and cutting out less important things in life so I can have the time to go all in on a certain creative pursuit. I already did this by letting go of my touring musician dreams for the sake of focusing on my videography and content writing.

I’m done letting my creative ideas stay as ideas. This newsletter is a manifestation of the thoughts I no longer want to remain as thoughts.

Regret #2: Letting my captured memories "expire"

I tend to document a lot of my life through photos and videos with the intention to share these memories online. I can do well when it comes to taking my camera out to shoot in the moment, but the process of editing that footage would never come or would happen so far into the future that the excitement from the moment when I took the photo or video would have expired. As a result, my collection of memories on my hard drives have never seen the light of day since the time they were created.

Recently, I've tried various ways to fix this by setting schedules of when to edit and post, but this becomes more of a burden the longer it has been since I captured these memories. I've seen content creators who edit their content the same day they shoot - I need to channel the same spirit if I want to reduce the friction of sharing my art and stories. Because if I don't do it, who will?

Regret #3: Not giving back enough to my close friends

I'm grateful for the people I've been able to spend time with in my life, but I don't think I've shown my appreciation back the way as much as I should. And this doesn’t necessarily mean gifting them expensive material things. I mean little acts of acknowledgement and appreciation, like replying to their messages promptly, calling them when I said I would, letting them know that something I saw in my day reminded me of them, and gifting them things I know are special specifically to them on their birthdays.

I think I do this pretty well with my family, but not so well with my friends - it's like I've implicitly distanced myself away from them. It feels quite selfish, and that's not the kind of person I want to be remembered as.

I have a good feeling that my late 20s will not feel exactly the same as my early 20s since I expect my responsibilities and environment to change, and that’s a good thing because that stimulates my personal growth. Writing this made me realize what parts of life I really treasure and what story I want to tell myself at 30 years old. None of the answers are obvious in the journey ahead, and just like everyone else I know no matter how old they are, I’m just trying to figure it all out.

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P.S. I’m still figuring out how to best approach this newsletter so I can post once a week consistently on the same day. Until I can establish this system amidst my busy life, these posts may be biweekly on a random day in the latter half of the week. For now, I’m just focusing on getting these letters out on a semi-regular basis. Moving forward, I may need to reduce the length of these because this one took at least 5x longer than the past few newsletters!

I hope the first month of the year has treated you well! Mine has been quite boring and routine with weekdays full of work and weekends mostly at home. But despite that, I've still been able to pull a couple of lessons from the challenges I faced - here are 3 of them:

#1. 10 minutes now isn’t worth the same as 10 minutes later

One day, I caught myself checking my phone during a short break at work and ended went down a 10 minute rabbit hole replying to a friend. I eventually realized that I really didn't need to reply then and there during work hours and could have done it on the train ride home, especially since it was taking me away from getting my work done before I have to leave work.

Later I noticed that this idea doesn't apply to just getting distracted at work, but to any meaningful chunk of time during our everyday lives:

Not all hours of the day are equal; some are better for focused work, exercising, or rest.

Not all years of our lives are equal; some are better for building up our health, finances, or relationships. Some are better to focus on work or to travel the world.

#2. As long as you’re polite, you can ask anyone for anything. The worst you can get is a short and simple no/rejection.

This lesson mainly came from my fear of asking old acquaintances and friends how they are doing and possibly asking them to catch up (quite a ridiculous fear, I know!) 

One of my colleagues told me about this tip when I expressed that I was hesitant to reach out to someone I used to work with. It ended up taking a whole week for me to reach out to this person and (unsurprisingly) the interaction went well.

The momentum carried over to reaching out to some other old friends to catch up and, again, none of my fears materialized and everyone was polite back to me.

#3. Sometimes there is no hack to doing hard things. You just have to endure the pain

This one occurred to me when I was trying to wake up earlier more consistently one week so that I can fit in my marathon training runs in time before work. Despite going to bed earlier and getting 7-8 hours, I would often still be sleepy before the sun came up and I really just wanted to go back to bed again instead of going out to run. Despite never being able to wake up early easily even when I followed the tricks I found online, I ended up still persisting and staying awake out of fear or future regret on missing vital training for the big race and I ended up feeling amazing afterwards.

Of course this is all easier said than done. Sometimes I still surrender to going back to bed because the pull towards the bed is really strong, just as it can be for other temptations in life that pull us in the direction we don't want and our minds are weak.

But the truth is hard things just simply have to be done and they can be very unenjoyable. And you'll hate yourself every moment of it. Then after you do finish it, you'll wonder why you even worried about it in the first place - you've just leveled up your mind.

If you spend too much time looking for a hack to make it easier, there's a high chance that there aren't any. You just have to do it.

Thanks for reading this week's journal entry!  As always, I'm curious to hear if you have any thoughts about the topics I talked about here.

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P.S. I'm sorry that I missed last week and today's is a day late. I'm still trying to figure out a reliable system to prepare these entries amidst all my commitments. You'll know that I have it under control when you see these in your inbox on consecutive Thursday mornings!

“There’s gonna come a time in your life when you’re gonna look back on this moment and you’re gonna think ‘What do I regret more: removing Chuck’s eyebrow or not removing Chuck’s eyebrow?’

Even though I never watched the full movie (until last Saturday just to get the quote right), the essence of this question got stuck in my head ever since I heard it. This idea of keeping your future self in mind and choosing your regrets for future you completely changed the way I approached making small decisions. Now every time I have to make a decision, I ask myself a similar question:

"Would you rather regret doing it or not doing it?"

"Would you rather regret choosing A or choosing B?" 

I like to enhance this question is by visualizing a 100 year old version of me who has lived a long, fulfilling life, and asking this question to him. I bet he has a ton of wisdom about what choices to make so that I can reach a fulfilling life with the least regret. Framing it this way makes me consider what my long term goals and values are, which I may forget in the fleeting present.

Why this works: 

• Minimize total life regret: I personally hate regretting my actions, especially if I know that if I just spent a minute thinking about it more, I could have easily made the other decision. And I want to live a life with the least regret as possible. 

  • Asking this question brings into perspective a future version of me so that I don’t only take into account what my emotional brain in the moment is making me want to do. 

• Pain > pleasure: Since the pain of a bad decisions feels stronger than the pleasure of a good decision, thinking about the consequences of an action instead of its rewards will help guide your intuition to the least painful future. 

• Choose the pain you can bear more: Every decision will have consequences. Asking this question will make you consider which consequences you would rather live with. One common tradeoff I consider is: would I rather spend more money or spend more time?

Examples of this in action:

• Would you rather regret enjoying the Monday night out to spend time with your friend who’s leaving town on Tuesday or staying home so you can get enough rest for work tomorrow?

• Would you rather regret spending an hour today to meal prep for the week ahead or just order takeout to save time from cooking and washing dishes during the week?

• Would you rather regret expressing your anger to your partner/best friend/co-worker to make yourself feel heard immediately or to control it now and figure out a way to communicate your issues in a less confrontational way?

The question is simple but answering it is not always easy!

As you can see, some of these questions don’t have an obvious answer to answer right away but once you think about them, you’ll realize what you value the most in your life and the best way you want to live. These values are for you to reflect on.

One way I’ve been thinking about what values I want to live by is to look at some of the most common regrets of people on their deathbed. Here’s a couple of my favorites:

• I wish I did not wait to start pursuing my dreams “tomorrow”

• I wish I had not worked so hard

• I wish I traveled more

• I wish I stayed in touch with my friends

• I wish I took better care of my body

That’s all for this week. Curious to hear if this has resonated with you and if you’ve been able to make more fulfilling decisions with this trick!

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Welcome to the Forever Journal, my weekly newsletter where I'll be sharing insights I've learned along the journey as a 20-something pursuing a full time career in engineering while pursuing fulfilling relationships, creative projects and the joy of travel. This is going to be my first attempt writing long form content in public so please bear with me as I figure out the best way to do this. For the first post, I’ll start off simple and introduce myself, why I’m starting this newsletter and what you can expect moving forward:

Who am I?

My name is Rafi and I currently spend most of my time working 40 hours a week at a hardware startup in the San Francisco Bay Area as a product engineer (which is a fancy way of saying I get to touch a little bit of mechanical, electrical and software engineering all at once). When I’m not thinking about engineering problems, I enjoy spending my free time honing my photography and videography skills, something you may have seen the results of since you all came from my Instagram page. Besides all that work, I do my best to maintain my close friendships, improve my fitness, and travel to see more of the world.

Why did I start this newsletter?

Since 2019, I’ve kept a record of every single day of my life in my bullet journal and this includes writing down one new thing I learned that day. As a result, I’ve trained my self-awareness muscle over a 5 year period and so noticing patterns in my life I’d like to fix and keeping track of lessons from others (e.g. from podcasts, books, movies etc) that resonate with me has become second nature to me.

Most of these insights have stayed in my journals, but sometimes I’d try posting some that I really can’t stop thinking about on my Instagram Story and turns out they get the most engagement, even more than my photography. Sometimes when I meet my friends IRL, they bring up how these posts have made them reflect on their own circumstances.

It’s wild to think that despite not knowing all the answers to my problems, sharing reflections that I would have otherwise kept to myself can change someone else’s perspective on their day or even their life. I’m just someone else on a similar journey as you, passing on what I’ve noticed. And that’s already enough to provide meaningful value.

Overall, this newsletter is my way of sharing what I’ve learned throughout my life as I go through the highs and lows of my post-university life in the hopes that it may make you think about something you’re going through from a new perspective. It’s also a way for me to practice my writing and document my learnings over time. So in a way, I’m treating this newsletter as a public journal that will stay online forever, hence the name “forever journal”.

What can you expect moving forward?

One newsletter every two week on Thursday morning Pacific time about a topic that I’ve been trying to navigate. This topic may be related to pursuing a professional career, figuring out relationships as a 20-something, patterns I’ve noticed from my creative work, and insights from recent travels & other novel experiences. Let’s aim for 10 newsletters and see how it goes 😬

Please leave a comment or reply to this email with ideas on what you’d like to see from this newsletter - your feedback means a lot to me!

If you made it all the way here, I’d like to share a 6th lesson I learned from 2023 that didn’t make the cut on my IG story series:

Lesson #6: There are no such thing as options, only tradeoffs

• Every decision you make in life prevents you from going with every other alternative decision.

• It sounds obvious, but take into account the limited amount of time you have every day. This mindset made me value my time so much more.

• You can’t have everything you want in this world; there’s a cost to everything. Even a seemingly harmless 10 minute scroll on social media, you’re trading off every other possible thing you could have done in 10 minutes.

Thanks for reading this week’s edition of the Forever Journal!

Talk to you next week,

Rafi

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